Fear and Trembling: A Fasani Family History

An oldie, but goodie. Originally written in late summer 1999....

If you are reading this, it means I am dead. I could not possibly send this message unless I knew that they would kill me either way.

I write this message huddled in the basement of a Turkish prison, one of the few corners of the earth which I believe safe from the horror which I am about to describe. You cannot possibly comprehend fathom the difficulty with which I even the type this message, every keystroke a reminder of the tremendous torture I have endured, both physically, as my trembling hands, with only seven and one half digits remaining, struggle for the keys, and emotionally, as I relive every terrible minute while I sit here, the single word "discipline" ringing through my perfect ears.

I will not even try to recount the two weeks (or was it two thousand weeks?) I suffered with those monsters. First of all, I'm not sure that I could even pen the experience through the misery of reliving it, and second, most of the time was spent passing in and out of a consciousness, the terrific bloody pain respited only by lapses into nightmarish comatose.

I will retell, however, what I have learned of this plague upon our earth, though if you're reading this, it has cost me what was left of my life.

The following has been compiled from CIA reports, personal experience, and Associated Press releases.

So, without further ado, I bring you the complete and unabridged Fasani family history.

1944
As American officials become increasingly concerned about a fascist Europe, the CIA launches Operation Merrill, a top secret project to create some sort of killing machine. Part machine, part human, intended to create the ideal spy, and the consciencelessly loyal soldier, the project is conducted concurrently with the development of the A-bomb.
Meanwhile, amidst increasing external pressure to abandon neutrality, the Swiss government begins a similar project, "l'operazione marilina."  Able to devote great resources to this project (since Switzerland has no budget for offensive development, and no war to finance), the project moves very quickly.

1945
The war ends, and the Operation Merrill is scrapped in the US. Project leader Dr. Antoinetta Fasani flees to Europe in disgust, vowing revenge. She finds a home working on the Swiss project.

1948
Dr. Fasani's expertise combined with Swiss workmanship creates the first working prototype. Named Marilyn Merrill after the two names of the projects, a girl is born/made with human genes and DNA, but with computer-like computing skills, and complete obedience to a computer, Merrill, controlled by Antoinetta. That same year, Antoinetta has a grandson, Mark Fasani, born in California. Also, Marilyn has no soul.

1954
Her mental health rapidly degenerating, Dr. Fasani kidnaps the six-year old Marilyn and her computer, and returns to America to exact her revenge. The CIA arrests the doctor within weeks of her arrival, deporting her back to Switzerland, where she goes insane. Marilyn and her computer are confiscated. As the Cold War develops, the CIA reopens project Merrill, modifying Marilyn to become a killing machine.

1958
Ten-year old Marilyn is sent to the Korean conflict as a test run. She is quickly captured by local unfriendlies not tied to the Communists or the south. Her captors, unaware of her identity, are amazed at her seeming disinterest at their tortures.

1970
After 12 years of horrible captivity, during which she said only one word, "discipline," Marilyn chews through her bamboo cage, overcomes, and kills her cruel captors. Although it's not known exactly how she killed them, it is known that one victim was identified by his dental records because his teeth were lodged in her digestive tract.

As a side note, this captivity is where Marilyn learned much of her disciplining style. When at one time I failed to eat all of my dinner after she had told me once to mangia tutto, I was told, "You're lucky I don't have my PVC pipe with me right now, or you would bend over and learn some discipline." You know I'm not making this up, because I am not one for crude jokes. Sometimes the facts are simply sick. Some prefer to turn away and deny it, but at this point, I lack that luxury. The truth must be told.

1971
Still obedient to Merrill control, Marilyn is sent to Vietnam as a soldier, now 23 years old. Her human side thoroughly destroyed during the captivity, she's more machine than man now, twisted and evil. Something goes dreadfully wrong, and after only two weeks in service, she kills her entire platoon, hijacks a helicopter, and returns home. She stops in Hawaii and destroys a village, leaving only the engaged couple named Kawate to repopulate the island in the wake of the destruction. At this point she has broken all connection to the Merrill programming computer, and is acting on her own.

Shaft is released in America.

1972
Returning to the west coast, Marilyn becomes obsessed with her creator's plan for revenge on the country. Here the details are unclear, since Antoinetta never revealed her plan to anyone. The following is clear, however. Marilyn found Mark Fasani, now 24, and they were married within one month. The ceremony, according to local papers, was very strange.

The Fasanis move to a deserted patch of California known as Granite Bay - named such because the valley floor is composed entirely of the rock. The rock walls provide a strong fortification, and the surrounding Fire Swamp adequately shields the compound from intruders.

1973
Marilyn gives birth to her first child, Ricky Smurf. Mr. Fasani does all he can to protect the boy from his parent-machine, but can do little to control the sociopathic freak. His main contribution is chronicling the events of the next 26 years, and he is to thank for most of what we know of the Fasani history.

1974
Marilyn gives birth to her second child, a boy, probably named Rugby Smurf.

1975
Robby Smurf is born, and Marilyn institutes the policy that no child older than two may eat until he has done 60 push-ups.

1976
Two year-old Rugby starves to death after failing to do enough push-ups for three weeks because of a lung infection. Marilyn responds, "discipline." Mark successfully lobbies to eliminate the push-up rule. Marilyn's first girl is born. She is not named, but left in the Fire Swamp to die. "Women are worthless," she was known to quip. The saying gains some following in the Bay area.

1979
ATF begins to take serious note of stockpiling of arms at the Granite Bay compound. After several more female births, brother Randy Smurf is born.

1981
Upon the success of local quarterback Joe Montana, Marilyn decides Randy will be a quarterback, and he begins training with the 49ers. Ryan Smurf and twin brother Rappaport Smurf are born.

1983
While Marilyn is giving birth to her seventh and final son, Rockford Smurf, Ryan Smurf and Rappaport Smurf are kidnapped by a band of Amazon-type women from the Fire Swamp. Evidently, the Fasani daughters had not perished as infants, but survived and formed a resistance movement aimed at overthrowing the Fasani clan. Ryan Smurf and Rappaport Smurf remained with these barbarians for nine years.

1984-1992
While Mr. Fasani raises cattle and crops to provide food, Mrs. Fasani trains her four boys in a style which draws heavily from her military background, but which is also heavily influenced by her creator and her dozen years in captivity. In all this time, Mrs. Fasani speaks only one word, "discipline." Unlike the complicated computers of today such as Furbies, the computers of the 50s were never able to master complex language structure.
During this time, Ricky Smurf teaches himself and his brothers English by candlelight after the housemistress goes to sleep. It is hypothesized that Mr. Fasani must have facilitated this process, but he will not admit to it. Whether out of fear of repercussion or out of humility s not clear.

1992
In August, things come to a head. The four Fasani brothers are becoming what could be considered a small family militia, and the ATF finally steps in. Meanwhile, Ricky Smurf has been secretly accepted to college in New England, and is planning his escape. The night before he plans to leave, the ATF invades. The Fasanis put up a tremendous effort, but the manpower of the ATF is simply too much. The Fasanis are surrounded. In a move that is yet to be fully understood by anyone, the Amazon Fasani women charge from the Fire Swamp, thwarting the ATF and rescuing the clan. Rappaport Smurf is killed in the scuffle, but Ryan Smurf is recovered to the family. The Amazons retreat to the Fire Swamp, the government covers up the incident, and Ricky Smurf escapes in the confusion to attend college under the alias Rick (to avoid the clever matriarch).

1994
Rick, coming up with another clever alias for Robby Smurf, manages to get his semi-literate brother into college as well. Marilyn allows him to leave as part of some world-domination quest that probably will not be understood until it is too late to prevent. Randy returns from 49er training camp and enters school for the first time. He is placed in 10th grade by the State of California Board of Education.

1999
Let us review the position of the family today:
Rick, in the capital of the most powerful nation in the world, is conquering the information age.
Rob, in the other hub of the first world, works for the post powerful military in the world.
Randy Smurf (renamed Randy) is three years of college away from playing the most financially successful position in the most financially rewarding per performance profession in the most wealthy nation in the world,
Ryan Smurf (after nine years in the Fire Swamp) has just traversed the Appalachian Trail, mapping out any land assault on the east coast.
It's not clear Rocky Smurf's position, but my impression is that he was always sort of the village idiot.
Anyway, at the time of this mysterious "family meeting" in Switzerland this summer, all I can see is that all the pieces are in place. Each brother has his different position, controlling the military, commerce, government, land, information, and entertainment. I don't know what's coming, but to quote Billy Bob Thornton in Armageddon, "Basically all the worst parts of the Bible."
---

I am not sure what else can be said. Though you might think you can imagine my time with this group of individuals, you cannot. I think my sufferings were more the result of the buildup of many, many years of bitterness and hatred of humanity, taken out on my helpless frame. Nothing I could have done would have prepared me, and I believe no amount of therapy will heal me. I only hope that my sufferings will be the last. My solace is that my experience may be used to fight the menace. Nonetheless, I fear the worst.

Finally, a word of caution: I'm not sure whose side Mr. Fasani is on. he play the role of innocent pawn, but if that were so, Marilyn would have killed him years ago. I suspect that possibly Antoinetta had this in mind all along, and Mark may indeed be the puppetmaster.

All that makes little difference to me now, as I am suffering no more, I hope... never again to be haunted by the word which rattles in my mind after so much darkness surrounds me - "discipline."

I hope you all enjoyed your summer.
dan mazzucco