The quotes on the card, as you might have guessed, are seminal quotes heard in the lives of our family since last year's Christmas card, organized chronologically. The quotes are color coded on the card, such that each color represents one speaker. Although you could easily figure it out by reading closely, here is the coding for the lazy:
Husband=green; Wife=purple
#1 child=red; #2 child=blue; #3 child=brown
French daughter=pink
Since this document is publicly available on the web, we're hiding our names, but you know who we are.
The following is a complete list of all the quotes on this year's card, with an explanation of each. Do not feel obligated to read the whole thing. Use the "Find" function to find the quote(s) in which you are interested.
Husband was just checking on the boys, who were in bed at a New Year's Eve party, when Husband noticed that #2 was chewing on something. Husband asked #2 what was in his mouth, then Husband put his finger in his mouth to get it out. Turned out that he had his mouth open and was holding his tongue in his hand. He must have been doing it for some time, because his tongue was dry. And that's the kind of guy #2 is. And it was so soon after Christmas that we thought we should include it.
"Daddy, do good things in India."
Husband went to India for work in January. #1 and #2 made signs for Husband, some of which Husband brought with him. Wife took pictures of #1 & #2 holding these signs, which Husband also took with him. The signs "Daddy, have a good time in India" and "Daddy goes to India" are shown above. Since "Daddy, have a good time in India" was too long to fit in carry-on, #1 made a second sign, which was the above quote. The two shown are also endearing, but made less sense in the context of the Christmas card. Unfortunately, the M*'s don't have a picture of the sign with the above quote.
"But dad, will Chennai be like New Jersey?"
Seen on a billboard in a Chennai airport by Husband when flying to Hyderabad. The speaker is an American girl of Indian descent. The answer, poor child, is no. Chennai will not be like New Jersey.
"Mommy, I need a wipe!"
Shouted out by #2 from his bed after he threw up in the middle of the night, soon before he went into his first of two seizures. The event eventually led to #2 taking an ambulance to the ER with Wife while SuperNeighbors watched #1 & #3 and while Husband was unawares in India.
"Any inconvenience is regretted."
The epitome of British impersonal bureaucratic indifference perfected on a sign in Sankara Nethralaya's parking lot. Husband recalls that the sign was warning of cinder blocks being dropped from the roof onto cars below or something like it. Husband wishes he could recall exactly what the sign was about, because it was fabulous. As if it somehow were not clear whether it would be inconvenient or not, and as if no one in particular were in a position to do the regretting. But if somehow, someone were to be inconvenienced by cinder blocks falling on their car, there would be regret felt somewhere.
"That... was... terrible!"
With great assistance from SuperColleague, Husband tried a lot of foods in India. Husband lost 12 pounds as a result, but gained an appreciation for many foods. Paan is not one of them. The quote is husband's response to eating one particular paan, which consisted of sawdust and lye stuffed in a date and rolled in silver. We have video of it, but unfortunately don't have software capable of scaling it to fit in YouTube, so we can't make it available to all.
"Why don't you tell daddy what you did at swimming today?" "We swimmed!"
#2 is quite the storyteller. Here he shows his keen grasp of the obvious. We wish we had a picture of him in cap and goggles. He looks fabulous.
"We'd like to introduce the newest members of Sovereign Grace Church..."
We joined a new church in February. We'd been attending for almost one year prior. It's been a great blessing to us to be a part of a body of believers who are committed to the Gospel and who live in relative proximity to us.
"Daddy, do you think they put away the snow yet?"
#2, unfamiliar with basic thermal processes such as melting and sublimation, asks Husband difficult questions.
"Dada"
#3's first word
"My bottom is not little."
In our home, it's all relative when it comes to bottoms.
"This is Wiley Chambers."
If you knew the man, and heard him at this NIH conference, you would chuckle. SuperColleague can relate.
"I can make my picks in 1 minute." "Then you're the fastest bracketologist ever." "No, I amn't. J* can make her picks in zero minutes."
Bracketology is a way of life in the M* house. But it's hard to argue with #1's logic. Bracketologist or not, cousin J* is one fast little lady.
"Team M* will take Barry Zito." "(Ugh)."
These fateful words were uttered by Pop-pop during a fantasy baseball draft. Husband's groan was a sigh of pained resignation. Keep in mind, this fantasy baseball draft occurred in late April. Barry was already poised to set a record for April losses, and was about to be sent to the bullpen. This website had already been created.
"When I was, like, two, you got in mommy's belly; and when I was, like, two and a half, you popped out." "I was born for a long time!" "When you were in mommy's belly, I was a baby doing silly things. And you heard me and now you do silly things."
In case you weren't sure why #2 does silly things.
"W*, take the spoon out of your ear."
In case you weren't sure what we mean by silly things.
"Sure, all 15 of us will fit in our house."
"I can make my picks in 1 minute." "Then you're the fastest bracketologist ever." "No, I amn't. J* can make her picks in zero minutes."
Bracketology is a way of life in the M* house. But it's hard to argue with #1's logic. Bracketologist or not, cousin J* is one fast little lady.
"Team M* will take Barry Zito." "(Ugh)."
These fateful words were uttered by Pop-pop during a fantasy baseball draft. Husband's groan was a sigh of pained resignation. Keep in mind, this fantasy baseball draft occurred in late April. Barry was already poised to set a record for April losses, and was about to be sent to the bullpen. This website had already been created.
"When I was, like, two, you got in mommy's belly; and when I was, like, two and a half, you popped out." "I was born for a long time!" "When you were in mommy's belly, I was a baby doing silly things. And you heard me and now you do silly things."
In case you weren't sure why #2 does silly things.
"W*, take the spoon out of your ear."
In case you weren't sure what we mean by silly things.
"Sure, all 15 of us will fit in our house."
The quote is a bit contrived, but something like it had to be said when Wife planned a weekend in which Mississippi SuperFamily of 5 and Maryland SuperFamily of 5 came to visit. All 15 of us stayed in our three bedroom house. It was crazy.
"(Gi)raffe!"
#3's second word
"I have a new favorite color. Mommy, what color are you wearing?"
#2 has a favorite person, and he doesn't mind telling her. Someday, he will recant, so we might as well document it now.
Home of the old fiddler's convention, and largest town the M*'s visited with Mema and Pop-pop in our trip to Sunrise Cabin in Jefferson National Forest in May.
"Roar!"
Still #3's favorite word
"A*, maybe you could be a plumber when you grow up." "When I grow up, I want to do what daddy does. What does daddy do?"
Another tough question for Husband, this time from #1.
"Title: The Zebra of Kenya; Chapter 1: The mommy of the baby. Chapter 17: The mommy of the baby."
#1 & #2 liked chapter books, so when they started writing books, they went with the chapter style. Fortunately, the chapters were brief. Husband thinks this book has a certain Hemingwayan feel to it.
"Why isn't there anything in the middle?" "It's called a skirt."
Having a girl is going to be an education in fashion around here.
"Even if it fails, I think there is a value in the experience of seeing a startup through to failure." "Congratulations, V*. I believe we've achieved that objective."
It would be more funny if it hadn't turned out to be true. Husband wrote this right after the conversation with SuperColleague back in early June. Anyway, with competition like this, failure was inevitable.
"W*, what makes you happy?" "Sitting next to you, mommy."
See above.
"Welcome back to Hanover, class of 1998."
See photos here.
"I fell off the trail."
#2 is a threat to himself and others.
"Thank you, Dr. Marchetto. I hope I never see you again."
On Memorial Day, Husband hurt his knee again, this time playing basketball. Fortunately, it turned out to be nothing more than a sprain, so Husband could say goodbye to his favorite knee surgeon without going under the knife again.
"Woof woof."
#3's second favorite word.
"Sometimes mothers don't know what little kids can do."
Wise words from a little man.
"W*, there are 1024 ways to get to 11." "No, I thought of another one. There are 1025."
Some people love sports... #2 loves numbers. And the book 12 Ways to Get to 11 is not as exhaustive as one might be led to believe.
"Captain John, when can you take us on your boat again?"
One of #1's favorite shore activities is going out on Captain John's boat through the bay. No better time to do this than the day preceding Night in Venice.
"Nite nite."
Couldn't get him to say "Nite in Venice," but it's a start.
"Next year, when we do this, we should remember to bring a flashlight. (time passes) Next time we do this, we should bring some rain gear. (time passes) If we ever to this again, we have to get a bigger tent."
Going on the church camping trip with #1 and #2 was a good time, but our tent for "four" was clearly designed when adults were 3 feet tall. This verbal sequence above nicely shows the progression in Wife's assessment of when (and if) such a trip will be repeated.
"The bike I was on was like a unicycle, and the bike B* was on was like a bicycle." "The bike I was on was like a threecycle."
Some people love omelets... #2 loves numbers.
"Mama"
Wife knows that #3 loves her, even though he wasn't in any hurry to say her name.
"Rahab, with your controversial past, how is it that you have become a hero of faith to so many?"
#1 did Vacation Bible School this summer. This was a quote in a mock interview in the "Bible Olympics," an play put on by the older kids from the VBS. There was something surreal and frightening about this question being asked by a seven-year old reporter.
"What are you talking about?" "I don't know what I'm talking about. Mommy knows what I'm talking about. Mommy, what am I talking about?"
#2 asks Wife difficult questions, too. He's sort of like a cross between a Jedi knight and a cabbage patch kid.
"I was really hoping we could watch golf on TV."
Credit SuperCousin-in-law K* with this lamentation (also both surreal and frightening); said during our family reunion this summer.
"Ba ba."
Big speech milestone for #3.
"Do you think you're pregnant?" "I think I'm pregnant."
"Happy 60th birthday, dad!"
Husband's dad celebrated with no great fanfare, unlike #50, but a milestone worth mentioning, nonetheless.
"Bienvenue, C*!!"
It was such a treat to have French daughter visit us for the third consecutive August.
"Dawd (dog). Daydee (baby)."
#3, still making progress.
"Trees? Yes, we have trees in France."
Listening to American teenagers try to communicate with French daughter was quite amusing.
"A*, what do you want for your birthday?" "If I tell you, it won't be a surprise."
#1 never makes it easy. He turned 5 in August.
"Doctor, since my ankle isn't broken, can I go back to youth camp? And can I go on the zip line?"
French daughter went to youth camp with our church. After being there only a few minutes, she fell on some big trampoline/balloon thing in a lake, and sprained her ankle. She had to come right home to go to the emergency room. It was pretty spectacular listening to French daughter ask the translator in the ER to explain to the doctor that she wanted to go on the zip line with her soft cast and crutches. Husband is trying to figure out how to avoid his children growing up to be teenagers.
Ghe-ghe (baby)
#3 doesn't have many fancy lines in this card.
"Is it wake-up time yet?"
#2 isn't really into sleeping, but we make all the kids stay in bed until 6:30 AM. Sometimes, #2 gets out of bed at 8:30 PM and asks this question.
"I'm A*, with the power to sing songs!"
You have to know the show Super Why to appreciate this quote from #1.
"Bon voyage, C*."
We miss our French daughter terribly.
"Is there really a baby in your belly?"
Yes, #1, there is!
"Boo W*!"
Super Brother-in-law and his friends got together for a Phillies' game. It was the first home right after Jimmy Rollins made some disparaging statements about Philadelphia sports fans. The fans booed J-Rol every time he batted (and he was beginning a 4 for 46 stretch). We didn't want to boo Jimmy, so instead we booed W* every time anyone did anything, good or bad. Ah, good times.
"Pub-bub (Pumpkin)"
#3 liked our autumn decorations. He liked to pick up the pumpkins and carry them around. It wasn't so good for our decorations, though.
"Can we play soccer?"
After Husband started being assistant coach for the Red Lightning, #1's rec soccer team, this became the rallying cry for #1 & #2. We spent countless late afternoons playing two on one soccer in the back yard.
"I don't care what he costs, Mike. We need LaDanian Tomlinson on our fantasy football team."
SuperFriend M* and Pop-pop are quite patient in their willingness to let Husband throw away their money in fantasy football every year. (Truthfully, we all wanted LT, but since Pop-pop took the blame for Zito, Husband will take the hit for LT.)
"Why can't I do math all day, every day?"
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Some people love music... #2 loves numbers. Here's a photo of the boys working on their schoolwork.
"Docks (socks)"
We needed some more brown text in there for the color balance.
"Is that a day care?" "No, I think it's someone's house." "No, I think it's a day care."
This was a real conversation had by some high school students about our house as they were walking by. Betsy and I sometimes ask ourselves the same question.
"I think I'm experiencing total body failure."
Harkening back to Dan's TBF experience at a Chicago frisbee tournament in 2005, Betsy expressed this feeling after one of her MS 150 bike training rides. Possibly the day care vs. house confusion had some effect as well.
"You boofed me out in Spin to Win."
This simple board game, which can be played by a two-year old, became a favorite for #2 & #1. The game involves a certain amount of boofing.
"And a bold move by the South African cyclist!"
SuperFriend A* biked the whole MS150 with Wife. At one point, she passed Husband early on the second day. This was Husband's play-by-play response.
"Car back!"
Wife recites the cry of the courteous biker during the MS150.
"T*, how fast are we going?" "You don't want to know."
SuperFriend T* biked the whole MS150 with Husband. One the way back, led by SuperFriend S*, Husband and SuperFriend T* set land speed records for mountain bikes. SuperFrined T* had a spedometer, but was unwilling to report their speed. Husband earned two speeding tickets and contracted TBF on the ride. He has not recovered.
"Who won?"
#2 wants to know how the MS150 went.
"...if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15
Note: Wife saw that one whole line from this verse was accidentally omitted from the printed version of the card, but she saw it after they were mailed. Husband is devastated. Hopefully people will see the error and realize the resulting verse doesn't make any sense.
Husband doesn't know of even one other family having a family mission statement, but the M*'s thought it might be a good idea. After long deliberation and planning, the M*'s have chosen the above mission statement. For hours of fun, point out to them when they are not following it.
"Are they five?" "Are who five?" "Are both of them five?" "Both of who?" "I don't know who."
When #2 asks questions to the outside world, the outside world loses. Here is one example in which MeMa was defeated by the complexities of #2's thoughts.
"Pop-pop, the Phillies are beating the Dodgers, 8 to 5."
The quote itself is pretty much contrived, but this was 2008 NLCS Game 2 (see highlights here). It was #1's first Phillies' game. Horrible hitter and psychologically imbalanced pitcher Brett Myers got three hits and scored three runs. It was a wonderful gift from Pop-pop, even though he was clearly rooting for the Dodgers.
"I think that we will have the baby after April 6, but before April 26." "Is that based on your vast knowledge of obstetrics?" "Yes."
#2 confounds Husband with his powerful logic.
"Goal!"
#3 actually is the biggest soccer aficionado of them all. When Husband scores against #1 & #2, he screams the above, Telemundo style. #3 has caught on and started to imitate. Good times.
"W*, you know how daddy goes to work, right?" "Yes." "Well, daddy's work is closing down, so daddy may not have a job anymore, and then we might have to go and live on the street. So we can pray for daddy for that, okay?" "Okay."
There is no danger of the M*s having to live on the street, though it is true that his employer is going out of business. This conversation is a consequence of combining a) answering the question "Why does daddy have to go to work?" with "so that we don't have to live on the street;" and b) asking your children what we should pray for before dinner.
"Do you have a mommy?" "Yes. Mema is my mommy." "Mommy is my mommy. I win, because my mommy is taller than your mommy."
Yet another example of Husband being confounded by the logic of #2.
"A*. W*."
It was neat to hear #3 start calling #1 & #2 by name.
"...swing and a miss! struck him out! ...and the Philadelphia Phillies are 2008 the World Champions of baseball!"
Sweet victory, as called by the great Harry Kalas. Relive it here.
"Quack!" "What's your costume?" "We are People for the Ethical Treatment of Ducks."
For Halloween, #1-3 were all ducks. Husband dressed up as a hunter. Grandma and Grandpa came over, so they and Wife dressed as people protesting the fact that Hunter was hunting ducks.
"A*'s going to play tee ball. I want to play tee ball too. And I want to bring B*, because B* loves balls. B*y ball B*y B*.
#2 is right, #3 loves balls. The bizarre nickname that started to catch on toward the end of the year was not pleasing to Wife.
This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has...
We had to mention the election, since it really was historic. Though the election did not really represent a manner of fulfillment of MLK's dream (which refers to descendants of slaves and not people of African descent), the election did demonstrate that our society has overcome a bigotry that has plagued our country since its inception. It also introduced a whole pile of people into the political process who had previously felt totally disenfranchised. Now they only feel as disenfranchised as everybody else does. The quote we picked is from McCain's concession speech, which Husband listened to on recording from McCain's web site a few days later. Husband was really impressed with it, which is unusual, because he usually thinks of politicians as megalomaniacal and lacking integrity. It's worth reading the speech here.
"Daddy, do you like cottage cheese?" "No." "Have you ever had cottage cheese?" "No." "Then how do you know you don't like cottage cheese?"
Once again, #2 defeats Husband with his indefatiguable logic. Husband ultimately did try the cottage cheese, and didn't like it.
"I never knew in the pro ranks it would end that way. I hate to see what would happen in the Super Bowl and in the playoffs."
Husband is a big Donovan McNabb fan, but this was the worst. If you haven't heard the quote in full, read it here. If you would rather listen, you're stuck watching the whole interview here because Husband can't find a clip that includes just the relevant quotes.
"We're having a girl?!? Are you sure?"
Wife did not believe the ultrasound technician, but the image doesn't lie. And now I've put naked pictures of my daughter on the internet.
"It...had a dismal light about it, like a bad lobster in a dark cellar."
An incomprehensible line from Charles Dickens' otherwise excellent novella, A Christmas Carol, which is sort of a great story, despite some doubts Husband has about the theology promulgated therein. Kansas Mom is right about the quality of Dickens' writing.
"Pop-pop, can we play crazy eights?"
This card game gained popularity among #1 & #2 in the summer, and peaked (we hope) in late November. The boys like most of all to play with Pop-pop. Husband has taken to teaching the boys other card games because crazy eights can get mind-numbing after a while.
"Is grandma and Grandpa's house in Canada their shore house?" "It's like a shore house. It's a house on a lake." "On a lake? That's not very safe. It will sink."
#1 confounds Wife with his logic, as well.
"B*y B*, will you play Spades with me?"
Husband may be regretting teaching #1 & #2 other card games, because they require four players. And #3 is not quite ready to play his hand. Now they want to play Hearts, too.
That's the end of the quotes on the card. For your continued time-wasting fun, here are some other quotations that didn't make the cut:
"I only want to throw up one day."
#2 reminiscing about his seizures.
"It's good to wear bells when you're camping. The bells scare away black bears. And they help you track the grizzly bears because the bells show up in the grizzly bear poop."
Quote overheard on the church camping trip. Funny, but not quite relevant enough to go in the card.
"I went potty all by myself, and I didn't even need a mommy."
#2 excited about his newfound independence.
"Can I have transgressions [ranch dressing]?"
#1 posits sophisticated theological questions during dinner, all the while hoping merely for some condiments.
"Lisa, you shouldn't judge things you don't know anything about. That's what people in Russia do."
Profound quote by Bart Simpson that has no relevance to the M*s.
"It's a shame I never got a chance to win 9 gold medals in the Olympics."
Husband couldn't think of anything to say about the Olympics, so he made up this quote. Ultimately, there was limited space for made up quotes, so it didn't make the cut.
"Football is about commitment. It's like a bacon and egg breakfast. The chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. You need to be that pig."
Radio commercial quote by former NFL coach Brian Billick.
"Like a mechanic who forgets to wipe his hands on a shop rag and then goes home, hugs his wife, and gets a grease stain on her favorite sweater -- love touches you, and marks you forever."
Award-winning "bad prose" sentence written by local woman. Click here for more.
"We're a team of necessity."
Phillies' right fielder Jayson Werth, on why the Phillies never win until they have to. Clever play on the hackneyed "team of destiny" mantra. Werth said this right after they swept the wild-card leading Brewers after being 4 games back with 16 to go, and 3.5 back in the division.. Read about it here. Again, a great quote, but not relevant to our family per se.
"We're livin' in a powder keg and giving off sparks."
This is a climactic line in Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. This song is just fabulous. Even though Husband can't relate to the content of the song and never has been in a relationship such that he could, he loves the raw emotion of the song. Watch the 1983 old school music video here or read the words here. In the music video, Ms. Tyler performs the song concert-style, but there is a wind machine so that her hair blows about to make her appear disheveled. Pure music video genius. Husband also has the sheet music if you are interested.
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